T V | House of Stapleton

1. How to Recede in Business

First Aired October 26, 1988

Months after former CEO Evan Drake's departure, Lillian Corporation's new vice president, Greg Stone (Brian Bedford), fires Rebecca and rehires Sam as the bar's comeback manager, believing the bar was better-managed under Sam. However, having problems using a computer to send required corporate reports, Sam begs Stone to rehire Rebecca. Stone agrees if Rebecca will: 1) take a slight salary cut, 2) return to business school for a Master of Business Administration, 3) co-manage with Sam and consult him on major decisions, and 4) gain practical experience as a waitress under Carla's supervision during busy times. Sam plans to tell Rebecca these conditions after making love to her. However, at the restaurant Melville's, Sam reluctantly tells her when Stone enters the scene briefly mentioning the conditions. In vengeance, Rebecca fools Sam by acting passionate, planning to storm off and resign. However, Woody tells her that a luxurious red Mercedes-Benz car that she ordered earlier is ready for pickup. Rebecca, eager to afford it, reluctantly agrees to the conditions.

2. Swear to God

First Aired November 02, 1988

Sam swears to three months' celibacy to avoid being named the father of a former lover's baby; his paternity is dismissed. Carla warns Sam, who nearly resumes womanizing, that God will curse him for breaking the vow. After two weeks' celibacy, Sam asks Father Barry (Eric Christmas) for advice, and is disappointed when told to keep the vow to God. A week later, Sam's casual partner Rachel Patterson (Kim Johnston Ulrich) arrives and tempts him away with a photo of herself in a bikini. The following day, Sam tells the gang that he did not sleep with Rachel?in fact, Sam and Rachel went from hotel to hotel, finding a Bible at each one, which he took as a sign from God. Meanwhile, Woody loses the theatrical role of Moses to another actor.

3. Executive Sweet: Part 1

First Aired November 09, 1988

Part 1 of 2. Rebecca, relieved that Greg Stone has been fired, is scheduled to meet her new executive vice-president, Martin Teal (Alex Nevil) in his office at 4:30pm. Meeting him in an elevator, mainly due to his youth and shortness, she rejects his advances, until she realizes he is Mr. Teal. Shocked, Rebecca apologizes for her early behavior but then names Sam as her faux boyfriend to avoid Mr. Teal's advances. He rehires her as the bar's sole manager and demotes Sam to bartender. Sam figures out her excuse when he receives a phone call from Mr. Teal, and fakes a breakup with Rebecca. After a date, Mr. Teal takes her back to the bar and proposes to her, causing her to faint. Meanwhile, Woody buys a hive of more than 4,000 bees which he stores in the office for the day. Woody calms them down with a bee smoker and then takes the bees to his place.

4. One Happy Chappy in a Snappy Serap: Part 2

First Aired November 16, 1988

Conclusion. To interfere with Sam and Rebecca's nonexistent on-and-off relationship, used by Rebecca to avoid continuing a relationship with Mr. Teal or losing her career, Mr. Martin Teal offers Sam employment at another bar in Cancun, Mexico, and hires a one-month exchange bartender. Sam accepts, leaving Rebecca alone and miserable with Mr. Teal. One month later, Sam, enjoying his time in Cancun, purportedly misses his planned corporate flight and instead plans to stay there. Rebecca arrives with an unloaded handgun and tries to persuade him to return to Boston, but Sam calms her down and takes the handgun away. Dejected, Rebecca returns to Boston without Sam. Mr. Teal, impatiently wanting to marry her, arrives with a justice of the peace and his secretary, who is revealed to also be his father. However, much to Rebecca's relief, Sam arrives, interrupting the wedding.

5. Those Lips, Those Ice

First Aired November 23, 1988

Eddie LeBec (Jay Thomas) returns for a Boston ice show with an attractive, sexy East German skater, Franzi Schrempf (Isa Andersen), making Carla jealous?and Sam desperate to seduce Franzi, who repeatedly rejects his advances. When Carla's jealousy grows out-of-control, Sam berates her for jumping to conclusions. To redeem herself, Carla hosts a poker night for Eddie's buddies and forcibly acts nice. However, when Sam tells Carla that Franzi has a boyfriend?whom Sam saw in her dressing room while attempting to woo her?Carla throws out Eddie's friends along with the food and poker chips wrapped in the tablecloth. As the couple argue, Eddie admits that Franzi mistreated him, that Carla's phony housewife act frightened him, and that Eddie is Carla's always-faithful husband. In the end, Carla reverts to her normal, angry demeanor and tells Eddie to do chores. Meanwhile, Rebecca gives Woody season tickets to football games, including the Patriots?Dolphins night game. Wanting to go with Woody to the game, Norm, Cliff, and Frasier race laps until Norm wins on a technicality, though all of the men are left too exhausted to accompany Woody.

6. Norm, Is That You?

First Aired December 07, 1988

Frasier and Lilith fire their interior decorator for mocking their taste and notice house-painter Norm artfully rearranging their furniture. Although fearful of losing his reputation as a beer-guzzling, lazy nobody, Norm decorates the Cranes' home, leading to a lucrative offer from Robert and Kim Cooperman (George Deloy and Jane Sibbett). Norm's boorish manners appall the Coopermans, so he pretends to be flamboyantly gay. At Cheers, which they mistake as a gay bar, the Coopermans praise Norm's talent and ask him to decorate their mountain resort. However, they also propose to set him up with a male blind date. Unable to continue the charade, Norm admits the truth. The Coopermans are reluctant to give Norm the resort job until he halves his fee. Meanwhile, a man mistakes Rebecca as pregnant, and Sam preys on her insecurity with fat jokes.

7. How to Win Friends and Electrocute People

First Aired December 14, 1988

Cliff has appendicitis, but the gang are more interested in Frasier and Lilith's planned countrywide trip, and only Frasier visits Cliff at the hospital. Cliff concludes his own behavior is annoying, and Frasier sarcastically suggests shock treatment, which Cliff takes as an intriguing idea. The following day, Cliff bribes therapist Mr. McManus to give Cliff shock aversion therapy whenever he is his usual know-it-all self at Cheers. However, McManus goes overboard with the treatment on Cliff, who retrieves the shock button during a struggle, sending McManus running while Cliff accidentally shocks himself. Cliff admits everything and exits the bar, pretending to run off. The astounded gang is reluctant to chase after Cliff to take him back except Norm (when Cliff prompts him). The gang then apologizes to Cliff for not visiting him in the hospital. Cliff orders champagne to celebrate, but Al (Al Rosen) shocks him with the button for the fun of it. Meanwhile, Sam gives Lilith driving lessons for the countrywide trip, but becomes furious when she flips-off and races another driver.

8. Jumping Jerks

First Aired December 21, 1988

After watching The Magnificent Seven (an earlier reference was in "Diane Chambers' Day"), Woody, Cliff, and Norm decide to seek thrills. When Woody comes up with skydiving, Norm and Cliff are reluctant, even when the trainer Bob Speakes (J. Kenneth Campbell) encourages them. However, when Carla calls the trio "weenies" for their reluctance, they grudgingly agree to attend a training session with Bob. The following day, the three chicken out, so they fabricate their nonexistent courage to their bar mates. Sam, who wants to try it with them, finds out about this during their next session. Ironically, the four of them chicken out; when they re-fabricate their courageous move, Rebecca begs them to do it again with the "Cheers" flag banner on-camera. At first reluctant, the men decide to go at Sam's behest because Rebecca yearns for a man who never fears danger. Finally the men skydive, including Cliff, who is fooled by Bob into thinking that the jet fuel tank is empty. Despite Sam's best, Rebecca goes out with the trainer, Bob, instead.

9. Send in the Crane

First Aired January 04, 1989

Rebecca throws a children's birthday party for the son of her boss, Mr. Ridgeway. When Woody, whom she hires as a clown at Frasier's suggestion, decides to substitute as Mark Antony in a theatrical play, a reluctant Frasier is pressured into substituting. Frasier performs poorly until he soaks Rebecca with a squirting flower, to the delight of the children. When the party dies down, Rebecca relates a warning from Woody about the handkerchief gag: if pulled from the shirt pocket, the pants fall down, revealing the supposed clown underpants, although Woody forgot to give these to Frasier (Woody was wearing them himself). Her boss's wife, Mrs. Ridgeway (Patricia Morison), introduces Frasier to her mother. When Mrs. Ridgeway's mother sneezes, Frasier habitually offers the handkerchief for her, which reveals himself wearing nothing underneath (since he took off the skimpy French underwear that Lilith gave him earlier), causing Mrs. Ridgeway's mother to faint. Meanwhile, Sam is attracted to both his old girlfriend Judy Marlow (Sandahl Bergman) and her grown daughter Laurie (Chelsea Noble), who later reveals to be engaged, devastating Sam.

10. Bar Wars II: The Woodman Strikes Back

First Aired January 11, 1989

Cheers is hosting a Bloody Mary contest. The gang seek to win against their rival, Gary's Olde Towne Tavern, yet Woody inadvertently foils his gang's every scheme. To compensate that, Woody eavesdrops at Gary's (Joel Polis) bar, but ends up tied and hanged upside-down outside Cheers. When the gang scold him, Woody becomes angry, quits Cheers, and goes to work at Gary's bar. One week later, Woody tells Gary that the contest already started and admits that his "failing" to notify Gary is part of Sam and Woody's plan to set Gary up. Woody escapes from Gary's gang and later poses as a bearded contest judge, fooling them. Woody admits to the Cheers crowd that the events were all part of Sam and Woody's scheme?but Gary reenters Cheers, winning the contest with the real judge. However, after Gary's gang leaves, Carla pays money, taken from Gary's wallet, to the judge, who is actually her next door neighbor. The Cheers crowd loudly chants "Gary won't win!", but Gary astoundingly reenters to retrieve his wallet, still unaware the real contest has yet to occur.

11. Adventures in Housesitting

First Aired January 18, 1989

Rebecca pet-sits for her boss Mr. Sheridan (Michael Currie), who is away on corporate business. Sam enters Sheridan's manor one night and then, attempting unsuccessfully to seduce Rebecca, allows Sheridan's champion dog Buster to escape. To conceal this negligence, Woody brings in Satan, a wrecking yard's dog resembling Buster. After a neighbor retrieves Buster, Sam brings Buster through the backdoor to switch the dogs in the kitchen, while Rebecca distracts Mr. Sheridan. Back at Cheers, Cliff accidentally says the attack word, causing Satan to trap him in the men's room. Carla snatches the phone number from Woody and calls the wrecking yard but then exits the bar, leaving Cliff still trapped. Meanwhile, Frasier imagines people around him naked at Carla's suggestion to ease his nerves over his upcoming speech, causing him to be late for a convention the following day.

12. Please Mr. Postman

First Aired February 01, 1989

Cliff trains a new postal worker, Margaret O'Keefe (Annie Golden), and they begin a forbidden relationship at a motel. However, Maggie parked a postal vehicle at the motel, raising suspicions. Cliff fabricates a story of armed thugs hijacking the vehicle for a joyride, but their relationship sours over the deception. Maggie confesses to their superiors and is fired from the US Postal Service, while Cliff is reassigned to another postal district. Maggie decides to work at Canada Post and asks Cliff to join her. Ultimately, Cliff decides to stay when the gang sing "The Ballad of the Green Berets", reminding him that he has friends in Boston and pride in his uniform. Meanwhile, Sam learns that an old song made Rebecca aroused when she was in high school, and suspects from a telephone call with her mother that the song was "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'". Sam plays a recording of the song in the bar office and dances with Rebecca, but she becomes motionless and appears disinterested. When Sam leaves the room, Rebecca's calm fa?ade breaks, and she accidentally kisses Norm, who enters the room.

13. Golden Boyd

First Aired February 05, 1989

Rebecca organizes a party for her boss Mr. Gaines's (Richard Doyle) daughter, Kelly (Jackie Swanson), enlisting Woody and Sam to serve guests. Woody gets into trouble conversing with sophisticated but brutish Nash (Tyrone Power Jr.) and his friends, almost leading to a brawl. Sam belays the fight?which resumes the following day at Cheers when Nash knocks out Woody with one punch. To get even, Woody asks out Nash's girlfriend, Kelly Gaines. Woody asks Mr. Gaines permission to date Kelly, but neither he nor Nash approves of Woody's lower-class status. However, Kelly decides to date Woody to spite Nash for domineering her. Eventually, the two realize they like each other.

14. I Kid You Not

First Aired February 15, 1989

Frasier and Lilith encounter Carla's son Ludlow (Jarrett Lennon), whose biological father and Frasier's former mentor Bennett Ludlow (from "Whodunit?") never visited despite providing financial support. Realizing that Ludlow is intelligent and likes high culture, the Cranes take Ludlow to an opera. Afterwards, a cheerful Ludlow wants to do more activities with them. Devastated, Carla reluctantly agrees. The following day, the Cranes make reservations at fancy restaurant Magritte's. At Margritte's, Ludlow has a conflict with the Cranes and gives Frasier a hot foot. After Carla escorts Ludlow out of the restaurant, Frasier declares they should never have children. Lilith then reveals her pregnancy to Frasier's joy. Meanwhile, Sam reluctantly allows Woody to borrow his red Chevrolet Corvette for Woody's latest date with Kelly.

15. Don't Paint Your Chickens

First Aired February 22, 1989

To impress her superiors, Rebecca promotes Norm's painting business, blackmailing him with his bar tab to accept her offer to work with him. After a client hires Norm, Rebecca learns that a rival was promoted to advertising director, prompting her to angrily confront Mr. Anawalt (Stefan Gierasch) for under-appreciating her. However, Norm's client signs a contract with other painters. Norm rushes to stop Rebecca, using a window washer's platform to show Rebecca a "NO JOB" sign outside the window. Rebecca, nevertheless, berates Anawalt for overlooking her talents. Anawalt is impressed with her courage and wants to promote her, but ends up arrested by the FBI for inside trading. Meanwhile, Sam is exhausted by his casual partner Erin's (Lisa Aliff) sports activities, like cycling.

16. The Cranemakers

First Aired March 01, 1989

Frasier scolds Lilith for embarrassing everyone with melodramatic pregnancy speeches. The following day, the Cranes reconcile using a stethoscope to hear their unborn child's heartbeat, and decide to leave civilization and settle in nature. Sam loans the Cranes a cabin in northern Maine for a week's trial, postponing their permanent move. Frasier struggles to make fire by striking rocks together. While they prepare old newspaper to catch a spark Frasier struggles to create, Lilith notices a review of an elegant restaurant. They eventually become homesick and decide to return to Boston. Meanwhile, Woody is sent on a one-week corporate-paid vacation to Italy, but misses his flight and joyously spends the week at the airport, where he meets people from all over the world. Woody tells the gang about his journey and decides to have another vacation at a bus depot. Carla receives her rich grandfather's inheritance which, after pilfering by his illegitimate son, amounts to 25 cents.

17. Hot Rocks

First Aired March 15, 1989

Sam and Rebecca are dressed-up for the USS Constitution tour, but their respective dates cancel. Rebecca is reluctant to go with Sam, who brings Admiral William J. Crowe, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, from the tour and introduces him around the bar. Hours later, after the Admiral leaves, Rebecca cannot find her $32,000 diamond earrings and assumes that the Admiral stole them. Sam interrupts the gang's experiments?making noises (like stretching fingers, whistling, and doing armpit sounds) and a "blue spark" by chewing a Life Savers candy?enlisting Woody, Cliff, and Norm to reenact what happened. During this, Rebecca recalls that the Admiral had a glass of water while using the phone and put it next to another glass that might have had her earrings, leading Sam to realize that the earrings are still in an empty used glass. Sam retrieves and returns the earrings, and then lies down on the table hoping for her to seduce him. Rebecca still resents him, so they have a heart-to-heart conversation about each other and kiss as a test. Rebecca secretly feels aroused and says "Maybe" but is embarrassed when Sam overhears that and teases her.

18. What's Up, Doc?

First Aired March 29, 1989

Sam is attracted to Frasier and Lilith's colleague, Dr. Sheila Rydall (Madolyn Smith), who rejects his advances. Sam has the gang help him feign impotence to get an appointment with her, where he plans to have her cure him. Sheila sees the ploy and counters it by assigning him to group therapy, prompting him to admit the charade. To make up, she reluctantly goes to dinner with him the following night at Melville's. Afterwards, Sam and Sheila head downstairs to the bar at closing time, and their conversations goes well until she tells him under pressure that, as a psychologist, she thinks he has meaningless sex to fill the void of his empty life. Aghast, Sam tells Sheila to leave as she tries to excite him without avail. Rebecca exits the office and tries to help Sam, prompting him for something he does that is not in pursuit of sex. As Sam struggles to answer, Rebecca asks him about the Three Stooges; Sam eventually grasps that enjoyment of the Stooges is a simple pleasure having nothing to do with sex.

19. The Gift of the Woodi

First Aired April 05, 1989

Woody fears that expensive gifts from Kelly's wealthy peers would surpass his on her birthday party. Frasier suggests that Woody give Kelly something priceless, coming from his heart. At the party, Woody plays a piano and sings "Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly..." (also called "The Kelly Song") as his gift. Kelly, liking the song, is unconvinced that it is his real gift; humiliated, Woody runs off. The following day, when Kelly visits Cheers looking for his gift, Woody explains that they are too different to continue the relationship. Realizing his mistake, Woody then seriously buys her an expensive pendant per Sam's sarcastic advice. Initially excited, Kelly wants a chain to carry the pendant until Woody convinces her that he could afford neither. Feeling bad, she gives him back the pendant, so they reconcile. Meanwhile, Cliff makes recipes containing the hybrid ingredient "beetabega", a fictional hybrid of beetroot and rutabaga. Rebecca, feeling too attractive and sexy, dresses like Lilith to impress her superiors; instead, they offer Lilith a vice president position for the corporation's eastern seaboard division.

20. Call Me Irresponsible

First Aired April 12, 1989

Carla anticipates surprising Eddie on their second anniversary, but he fails to arrive. Hiding her devastation, she sends herself flowers to the bar, but Woody notifies her in front of everyone that the florist phoned wanting cash rather than credit cards. A while later, her son Anthony drops off a box of laundry, leading her to near despair. Eddie phones Carla, saying he was called at the last moment to rehearse for the rewritten ice stage adaptation of The Three Little Pigs. Although she is pleased, Carla asks if Sam told Eddie about their anniversary. Sam denies this, and Carla places a curse that Sam's tongue will swell if he lies. When Carla exits, Sam's tongue becomes swollen. Meanwhile, Woody wins three bets on a basketball game, with Rebecca winning the last betting round. The bar patrons are almost caught by a police detective for illegal gambling, but Rebecca convinces him that it is a charade and gives the money back to the patrons, though she retrieves the money when he leaves. Frasier and Lilith hire Norm to redecorate their unborn child's room as gender-neutral and without popular children's icons (that might lower a child's intellect).

21. Sisterly Love

First Aired April 26, 1989

Rebecca's actress sister, Susan (Marcia Cross), arrives at Cheers to reconcile with a displeased Rebecca. Sam sees their estrangement as seduction leverage and takes them to lunch at Melville's. Sam questions why the sisters argue, and Rebecca admits to battles over past love interests before storming out. Exploiting their rivalry, Sam claims that Rebecca is attracted to him, gaining a date with Susan. When he notifies Rebecca, she becomes furious and tells Sam to break it off so she can date him, albeit reluctantly. Sam postpones his date with Susan to date Rebecca instead. At closing time, while Sam is expecting Rebecca, Susan enters the bar appearing too excited to wait and kisses him in the office. Rebecca catches them and apparently shoots Susan several times. Shocked, Sam helps Rebecca carry Susan's body into the bar, where the gang surprise him by appearing behind the counter. Susan's "murder" was a charade to spite Sam for his behavior, and the sisters are reconciled.

22. The Visiting Lecher

First Aired May 03, 1989

Marriage specialist Dr. Lawrence Crandall (John McMartin) arrives in Boston for a book tour and a drink with Frasier. Dr. Crandall asks Rebecca whether she is attracted to him; annoyed, she repeatedly rejects the idea. Sam and Frasier convince her that the question was professional, so Rebecca goes to Dr. Crandall's table to apologize, but is repulsed when he comes on to her again. Unable to convince Sam and Frasier that she is being sexually harassed, Rebecca drags Sam to Dr. Crandall's hotel room. There, they find a maid, Maria (Fabiana Udenio), in the closet and a violinist entering the room. Dr. Crandall admits that he planned to seduce Maria and fears that his career and fifteen-year marriage with Valerie (Joanna Barnes) would be over if exposed. When Valerie arrives, the guests go inside the closet at Lawrence's behest. The Crandalls plan to have dinner together, but Lawrence accidentally puts on Maria's blue coat, so Valerie senses someone inside the closet. When Valerie demands they explain, Rebecca reveals Lawrence's conduct. Valerie is unconvinced as Lawrence passes the claims as coincidences, so Rebecca insults Valerie and then physically attacks her. Sam and Zoltan restrain and remove Rebecca.